Ask anyone around you if they ever tire of receiving compliments, and I believe it would be a ‘no’. Ask again if their partner has complimented them at least once yesterday, if not the past week… or the past month?
Should this be attributed to human nature or the culture of society that fault-pointing has tipped the scale against complimenting?
If the motivation of pointing out faults is in the hope of change towards an improved behaviour or even to ventilate unhappiness, then should it not follow that we should be motivated to affirm and encourage the repeat of positive behaviour and to express our happiness especially towards our partner whom we will enjoy the mutual benefits with?
If we are to assume that the average of us do not find ourselves being much of a giver of compliments simply because we are not in the habit of doing so, then here are three reasons to get us started in changing this habit, beginning with the person we spend the intimate moments of our life with:
1. Compliments expresses recognition, appreciation and thankfulness for our partner’s efforts
When we say “Thank you love for preparing this delicious meal and a comfortable clean house that I can come home to”, “You are really good with the kids, look at how happy they are today”, “Thank you for sending me home although it is late and you have had a long day”, “Today was really well thought out, I really enjoyed our date”, or simply “You look beautiful!”, we are saying, “I see the efforts that you have made, I do not take it for granted, I think you are wonderful and I am grateful for you”. Your partner then knows that his/her efforts have not gone to waste, is affirmed that it makes a difference to you and you are happy with the behaviour. He/she is assured to persist with the efforts and encouraged to do even more because he/she is secured in receiving your appreciation.
2. Words of affirmation is a way of expressing love
For those of us who have already embarked on learning on how to become a better lover, we have probably come across Gary Chapman’s five love languages which categorises how each of us express and experience love differently according to our love language, one of which being words of affirmation. If your partner’s primary love language is words of affirmation, you might notice that he/she has a tendency to express her love for you in verbal manners. Correspondingly, his/her love tank will be filled by compliments and other verbal encouragements.
3. Builds self-confidence
Even the most self-confident of us have our own insecurities. Being one half of a relationship puts us in a privileged position to address and diminish these insecurities while building up our other half.
When I receive a compliment from my partner, I recognise that my judgment has been validated and I am capable of providing relevant value to him. This spurs me to undertake more initiatives. Self-confidence is important for a healthy and respectful relationship. It will also facilitate both couple and individual growth to becoming the best versions of who we are.
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Complimenting your partner is gift that costs nothing with the ability to create positive reverberations through the course of your love life. Let’s challenge ourselves to compliment our other half at least once every week and see how much can be accomplished through this simple effort!