How do you spell love? It seems absurd a question when you are already reading it on screen, but as real as it can get, it is also spelt as T-I-M-E. The ever elusive Time, which grows in sprint as we advance in age. Without purposeful management, much time is given to meaningless busyness that leaves vacuums in our lives. And there the love we share with our partner sits in the corner, with undetected coldness creeping on to it until it freezes over. No one desires for this to happen. What if there are warning signals waving for our attention along the route down to Antarctica? Watch out for these signals:
You spend less than an hour talking to your partner each week
Talking, in the context of a relationship, requires more than just the activation of your vocal chords to meet a standard of politeness. To spend quality time with your partner, talking requires a honest even vulnerable communication of thoughts and feelings that flows two-way, allowing a mental and emotional connection to be made.
Such communication if done regularly, helps to build a secured and intimate relationship by preventing issues to be swept under the carpet that will eventually compile and fester. It also facilitates a deeper understanding of each other’s expectations and minimise occurrences of misunderstandings. Ideally, a space where there will be no distractions should be planned for and both parties be willing to be fully present (not just in physical presence) and focused on each other.
Your calendar is dotted with meetings and overtime work
Take a look at your personal calendar. Is it populated with business appointments and overtime work? Our jobs are certainly important – how else are we going to pay for the house or foot those bills? Nonetheless, in the equation of time, there is an inherent element labeled ‘opportunity cost’. Whether this opportunity cost swings the right way depends on your priorities in life.
While you are considering your priorities, also consider who will be by your bedside when you are ill and frail. Your bosses? Or your partner? If we share the same answer, then be careful that your job does not overstep its position, taking priority over your relationship. After all, no one on his deathbed ever said, ‘I wish I had spend more time on my business / in the office / impressing my bosses’. Instead, you do hear, unfortunately, people saying ‘I wish I had spend more time with my family and those I love’.
“Often, it is the routine that dulls
and sometimes kill a relationship.”
Your last date night was more than a month ago
Date night is what happens during the dating phase, when it is all about romance, passion and dopamine-releasing frenzy; in a long relationship or marriage we deal with practical reality – if this is how you perceive Date Night, stop thinking that way! Research has shown that couples who dedicate time for date nights enjoy a better quality love life and higher level of intimacy. Date nights create opportunities for intimate communication, reigniting those ardent sparks of excitement and providing a retreat from a humdrum relationship.
Often, it is the routine that dulls and sometimes kill a relationship. What was once eagerly anticipated fades into indifference. Soon, you start wondering where the lovey-dovey has disappeared to and begin doubting your love for your partner. Don’t let this get to you. Insert some variety and spontaneity in your relationship through date nights and remind each other why you fell in love with each other in the beginning!
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Every quality time shared works like a binding agent that will keep a couple close together. The more you put in, the stronger the bond, so that when conflicts occur your relationship will not snap easily. Instead, both of you are able to meet each other on the same level of understanding, enabling any issues to be ironed out and overcome.
What you get in return is a reinforced and rewarding relationship. So start spending time with your loved one, rekindle the flame in your relationship and rediscover your love!