Singlehood – most will read this as the Searching Season, or commonly as the period for finding the Right One. Many hop from places to places, soliciting help from love gurus and even psychics. So much effort just to meet their Mister or Miss Right. Yet, the adage that everything will be bright and sunny once you find the Right One could very much be an urban legend.
Very often, the supposedly right person may not appear, leaving the seeker quibbling about their wasted effort. Rather than putting in time and money into a random Search Operation akin to throwing the biggest net you have to catch any fish, why not focus your resources in building yourself, and be the Right person you desire? Be the Right One, and chances of attracting the Right One will be more likely. If you agree with me, here are five steps towards being the Right One:
Discover what you love
Chances are most of us do not have an accurate understanding of ourselves. In these days when it is all about getting another ‘like’ on our social media accounts, we tend to maneuver our behaviors and opinions cautiously towards social likeability. What we perceive that we like, really could refer to what most people like. Yet more often than not, what is fancied by most may not be what you fancy at all. Invest time to find out what you truly enjoy, what values and principles you uphold and the behaviors you appreciate. By discovering what you love, it will provide a guide to the complementary qualities that would be preferable for your future partner to possess.
Learn to love yourself
Sometimes we put in so much effort and time searching for love, we forget that we can still feel loved, simply by loving ourselves. This should not be mistaken as an act of narcissism, which unfortunately is commonly present nowadays where endless selfies and ostentation can be found in almost every platform imaginable.
Loving yourself goes into a deeper level than just loving your physical appearance or being vainglorious. It is about listening to your inner feelings and emotions, embracing your imperfections and developing a positive lifestyle. When you learn to love yourself more, self-confidence naturally comes along. Only by first loving who you are can you love another person unconditionally, because then you are not seeking someone to fill the emptiness and imperfections within you.
“Aspire not only to be a better person but also to be at par with the person
you desire to spend the rest of your life with.”
Don’t rush for anyone
You meet someone at a social gathering. Both of you relate to each other’s interests effortlessly. There is no awkward silence in your conversation and time seems to fly by so quickly. At the end of the night you think you have found your Right One. And all of a sudden you realise you are being sucked into the whirlpool of love; it happened so fast, you are barely able to grasp what is going on around you. Approach this whirlpool with caution. Fueled by the ecstasy of euphoria, we tend to move too fast towards intimacy at the beginning of a relationship. Sometimes we become oblivious to the glaring signs of mismatch.
A lasting love requires time invested to understand each other’s background and attitudes. Take as much time as you need till you are certain of each other’s integrity. Rushing can only do more harm than good. Remember, you want to find the Right One, not the Right One Now.
Prepare for your future
Singlehood is probably the most appropriate and conducive time to reflect on your own weaknesses and work on them. Aspire not only to be a better person but also to be at par with the person you desire to spend the rest of your life with. Invest time to develop personal discipline and values that will alleviate your future role as a desired partner.
If you had a bad relationship, do not let this baggage get in the way of your next relationship. Take care of the fears and insecurity first instead of placing this responsibility onto your next partner. Otherwise, this can put a great deal of pressure on the relationship where both will feel short-changed and discontented. Get yourself ready emotionally, psychologically and even financially, and be prepared to welcome a fulfilling relationship.
Be someone’s best friend
Believe it or not, friendship is the beginning of a solid and sincere romance. While I am not hinting that those who skip friendship and plunge straight into dating have wobbly relationships, it is indeed a daunting step. Through being friends, you can observe each other’s honesty and sincerity. As you progress to become each other’s best friends, there will be more sharing of your life, and only then can real trust be built.
With trust, love has a nurturing environment to be developed. Both of you can be comfortable with each other even during each other’s worst. And there, you are becoming the Right One for each other. Best of all, your romance has only just begun.
You might also be interested to read Vulgarity – As Ugly As Its Name
You attract what you are. By becoming the Right One, you set yourself up for a successful and lasting relationship. Equipped with the behaviors and values you desire, accompanied with the confidence you exude, your chances of attracting the Right One will be given a boost!
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