These three walls are stopping you from cultivating a Quality Relationship. Break them down now!
The love relationship is alike a road trip – a long journey with many turns and pit stops. In this journey you and your partner are bound to encounter a few (or many) bumps. The occasional quarrels are unavoidable. Seldom do we hear of couples whose journey is constantly smooth-riding without a tad of a knock. Yet it is often these ups and downs – falling and picking each other up – that strengthen the relationship and propels it to greater intimacy. However, when there are walls set up along this journey, their progress will be hindered. The wrecks and crashes that are bound to be suffered will inflict damages that can be as severe as to destroy the relationship.
Here’s the problem. Many of these walls are built not by anyone else but by man himself – through the personal behaviour developed over the years and how he has been brought up. These walls, if not taken care of, can be detrimental to your relationship. It is about time we pay some attention to these three walls:
The Wall of Egoism
Men, let’s face it. Sometimes we can be too defensive over our turf, to the extent that we react aggressively to prove that we are the boss of our grounds. Too many times we allow our ego to inflate to a point that it eventually engorge our rational mind, driving us to becoming unreasonable hotheads.
The Wall of Egoism (termed so because of the walls raised to barricade us within) often causes us to become inward-thinking, self-focused prick. Our defensive senses become heightened such that we feel offended at the slightest touch. With these walls in placed, casual comments from our partner can be easily mistaken as provocative confrontations, leading us to an otherwise unnecessary argument. This is especially so when the validity of our decisions is being questioned by our other half. A surefire way to strain the relationship where even past incidents and disagreements will be excavated and scooped onto the table for intense comprehension.
Having this wall distresses our relationship, and in the long run, damages the quality of our love for each other. This wall needs to be taken down, right now!
“Feelings are a part of us. If we share no feelings, we cut off our partner from a part of who we are.”
The Wall of Male Chauvinism
If we men can be more honest with ourselves, we will admit that somewhere in that secluded corner of us, lies a detestable pinch of male-chauvinism. At some point of our lives, we adopted the belief that we are better, stronger or more qualified than the opposite gender. Sometimes this belief, albeit a teeny-weeny bit, can build weighty walls to trample upon the healthy growth of our relationship.
A wise man listens to advice, but the way of a fool is right in his own eyes. Even at the risk of being a fool, seldom will we accept advices or seek help from our girlfriend or wife. We tend to undervalue the importance of her opinions and when offered, we often waive them too quickly.
The Wall of Male Chauvinism belittles the competency of our partner, which creates resistance in asking her for help. Do not let this wall muddle you with assumptions that we do not need their help at all. Women are as competent, if not more, as men. Learn to ask for advices from your girlfriend or wife, especially in the fields of her expertise. View her as your equal capable counsel. She is your treasure which you should never disregard.
We ought to break down this wall if we desire to continue on the journey to becoming men of quality and wisdom. We are real fools if we fail to recognize how much her advice and help can benefit us.
The Wall of Apathy
Since young, most men are taught not to shed a tear. We might have been raised to hold back tears even during times of grief or loss. In fact, many men believe that crying is a sign of vulnerability, a demonstration of weakness. So we put up a fortified wall to hide away all emotional sensitivity. Within this Wall of Apathy we feel pacified and secured having this thick wall surround us. Little do we know that by being apathetic, we shortchange our partner of an otherwise quality relationship.
Feelings are a part of us. If we share no feelings, we cut off our partner from a part of who we are. We end up not giving all of ourselves to the relationship. Without letting our partner know what we truly desire, it becomes an arduous task for both parties to progress towards an intimate relationship.
The Wall of Apathy thwarts our partner’s efforts towards understanding us emotionally and wholly, leaving them feeling tired and exasperated. Take down this wall by beginning to remove a few bricks today. Create an opening so that your partner can have a glimpse of the inner you. Let her in, not keep her out. It is our responsibility to let them know what we really like, how we are feeling, and what are our emotional needs.
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Admittedly, it will be hard work breaking down these walls. For some walls, it will take more than a heavy-duty sledgehammer to do the job. That is when our partner comes into play. Ladies, do not let your men do the work alone. You too need to play your part in the relationship, rather than folding your arms and supervising him. When the man is struggling and demoralized, what he needs are words of affirmation from you that he is on the right path.
Like a stalled car during a road trip, while the man is out at the back pushing and sweating, as the co-pilot you need to take over the steering wheel and keep the car in control. Recognize that this love journey requires two of you at any time in order to progress towards a quality relationship.
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